Fermentation

This post is not about home-brewing, although we do have three carboys (15 gallons) of "hooch" currently fermenting in our kitchen.

Rather, this is about my own personal fermentation.  I have been reading On Becoming an Alchemist by Catherine MacCoun these past several weeks.  Before you all decide that I've completely gone all mystical, I do want to point out that her approach to alchemy is about transmuting the self.  For example, transmuting desire into devotion, false roots into confidence, territoriality into integrity, vulnerability into compassion, and obsolete desires and ambitions into magical will.  That last one is what she calls "fermentation" and magical will is basically an unconscious will.  For example, after fermenting, one may wake up being able to do things that he or she didn't previously know how to do. Or, one may find that his or her subtle perception (perception of energy and things that aren't matter) has sharpened.  There's nothing really hocus-pocus about alchemy; it's just a greater state of awareness.  If you've ever practiced mindful meditation, then you've worked on your subtle perception, and are practicing one aspect of alchemy.  

MacCoun is quick to point out that the whole process of transmutation is messy; it doesn't feel good.  When we go through calcification (burning) it feels like all hell is breaking loose.  When we experience fermentation, we have the blahs.  I definitely have the blahs.  It has manifested as a sort of stagnation, which has shown up not only mentally, but also physiologically (reduced circulation).  I'm sure I could fit my symptoms into a western medical paradigm (Seasonal Affective Disorder?, Raynauds?), but I prefer to use this more holistic approach as I feel it better encompasses who I am, who I was, and who I will become. 

On a related vein,  I had lunch with a good friend and former colleague or mine a couple weeks ago. We were talking about meditation and self-awareness and the idea of the inner saboteur came up.  We are all familiar with this concept and I think many of us struggle with it.  My saboteur comes in the form of "This is a really great idea, but I'll just put it off" usually because I have no idea how to implement it.  I am not a go-getter nor am I a natural leader.  For example, I could have pursued a lead to get a full cord of firewood through barter on Craigslist.  I had a 1998 Civic lying around ("out to pasture") that I would be willing to barter.  But I didn't pursue it.  My friend said "Don't let your inner saboteur get to you".   MacCoun's philosophy points out that the inner saboteur might really be your spirit sabotaging your material self for a greater purpose.   Self-sabotage may not be a neurosis, but instead a sign of wisdom and I took comfort in that thought.  I ended up donating the car to the Kidney Foundation and we bought a half cord of wood (that's a half of a full cord) from a farmer down the road who also sells us grain and hay.  It was a situation that I felt more comfortable with, and while I like the idea of bartering, our farmer friend is aware of that preference and is definitely amenable to bartering in the future, but it didn't work out in that particular circumstance.

Anyway, I'm sure I will continue to ferment for a while yet. It's not a bad thing; it just is.  Keep that in mind with the ups and downs of life.  The uncomfortable and/or tricky parts of life facilitate our growth, not our demise.